On Suffering.
I have been thinking a lot recently about concept of Suffering. Perhaps it's because a lot of my perspectives on Life center around the idea of making it as beautiful as we can, when in reality, Life is just as much about misfortunes and grief as it is about beauty. What is Suffering as it relates to the human experience and is there any meaning in it at all? It's natural for us to ask the question 'Why me' when we face challenges that we do not deserve or we deem unjust. Those that are rational may choose to attribute their pain to statistics or anomalies. Others may seek answers from the divine. Either way, seeking the answers to why we suffer will not make our human suffering any less real. The 'why' is irrelevant; the experience has already become inscribed into our story. What is relevant, then, is how we deal with suffering.
Suffering is an inherent part of Life.
The circumstances that give rise to human suffering are an inherent part of life, no matter the magnitude of the pain it brings us or the duration that it lasts. This is the first noble truth of the Buddhist teaching - 'Dhukkha Satya'. Death is the most fundamental of these circumstances; it is certain. But suffering also arises from loss, the inability to fulfill our desires, our fears and physical pain. These give way to our experiences of discomfort, anxiety, mental distress, or any state that the human condition could be better off not experiencing. It is important to understand that the circumstances that we find painful are not the experience of suffering itself, nor are they the causes of our suffering. It is our negative interpretation of Life unfolding itself that creates our suffering - driven by our desires for our stories to be different from what they are and our ignorance of these circumstances as something that we can control. This is the second noble truth of Buddhism - Samudaya - the true cause of suffering.
The mind is the source of all Suffering.
Suffering, then, originates in the mind, sparked by some event that in reality, is neither good nor bad, it just is. And much of what we suffer comes from our traumas of past events or our anticipation of what the future will hold for us - our desire to control how Life unfolds. Consider the example of a husband who grieves the loss of his beloved wife. On the surface, it may seem that it is her death that makes him Suffer. But was it ever his expectation that he or his wife or anyone in the world will circumvent the inevitability or the timing of death? No, death is not what creates his suffering, rather it comes from his natural desire to control the outcome of his and his wife's lives and his anticipation of his future, one without the partner who he created so many beautiful memories with.
Or consider the man who has been diagnosed with some terminal illness. Much of his suffering comes from his fear of his impermanence and the thought that he may miss out on the stories that he still wishes to create, the idea of himself parting ways with his consciousness and perhaps his own self sympathy regarding his lack of control over his circumstances. Life has played its hand, but it is not what creates the suffering he experiences in the moment. Rather, his suffering comes from his negative contemplation about what is happening in his Life and his fearful uncertainty about whether he can handle what the future has in store for him.
As for any physical pain he may experience from his illness - there is no need for him to contemplate the level of his pain, as he is already experiencing it and proving to himself his ability to co-exist with his physical pain, at least in his present moment. Do not confuse pain for suffering. Understand that even though his body aches, the mind need not ache with it. It is only when we project our present experience of pain into the future as a fear of our inability to cope that we begin to Suffer. The mind is the source of all suffering.
Do not worry about the things that you cannot control, but find the wisdom to identify the things that you can and the strength to control them .
As it is our mind that creates the suffering that we experience, the key to overcoming it must be in the mind itself. We cannot control most things in Life, but we can control our thoughts from negative contemplation about our future and our attachment to our final outcomes. Sometimes, just the thought of our stories ending a different way to how we want it to weighs down on us so much that it crushes our will to fight. We need to detach. Detachment is to accept whatever Life has in store for us, despite the actions we take to control it, and to simply be present in the pain that we experience. From this control, arises our ability to develop a sense of purpose in our times of suffering - the purpose to create the courage and the faith to work towards regaining Joyfulness. The purpose to push through our pain and get to the other side of it. And when we do finally push through, we create room for celebration, gratefulness, compassion and respect for ourselves - we find Joy again. And if we cannot push through, despite our efforts, then we should accept whatever way Life chooses to flow, with grace. There is still Joy to be found in that.
We cannot control what caused or will cause us pain, but we can control our purpose for overcoming it.
Do not stop smiling.
Finally, remember to never stop smiling. Regardless of all the suffering you have been through and you are going through. Smile, because your story is not over. You are still here, doing what you can.
Smile, because there's something or someone on the other side of your pain, keeping you going. Whether it is the unfinished bucket list of life experiences you are yet to discover, or the desire to wake up and look into the eyes of a loved one, again, or the nostalgic memories of your past that made your life worth living.
Smile, because no matter what happens, your narrative is only yours to define.
I sincerely hope you find the joy in your life that you are seeking and the strength to overcome the challenges you face. Remember that you're still here to make it happen.
