On Success.

I often think about what it means to be Successful in life, and in particular, what Success would look like in my own life.

I understand that this question can seem unnecessarily vague, so, to distill it down, what I really mean is - which of Life's multitude of experiences, if I could measure them, would I try to optimize to consider myself Successful?

For a long time, I found this question annoyingly complex and the answers frustratingly indecisive. Firstly, how do you choose which of Life's seemingly infinite experiences to measure? If the things we seem to prioritize as a society in this generation are anything to go by, it has to be success in Wealth. Or at least the image of wealth. Now, us conservative folk would even add a touch of Security to that equation. You might even argue that we should add Convenience to that list since we live in an age in which almost everything we demand from the market calls for "cheaper and faster".

As I thought through this problem, I gradually started to observe that a lot of the ideas of success that I held, and I still do, are instilled in me from society - my parents, my peers, my community and the media - many of which, admittedly, are pragmatic in nature. But these ideas of Success are limited by the relatively few things that I have experienced in my life - and as a result, can very well be misguided. Surely, the vast realm of life experiences out there that I am yet to discover will further evolve my beliefs and ultimately, my ideas of what success in life should look like.

Thinking back to when I was a child, filled with ignorant bliss, my measure of success was always rooted in the idea of being a well-behaved and obedient son to my parents,  competing to be the smartest student at school, striving to be respected among my peers. I was also quite religious, so Success meant having the same strong faith that my parents held and the idea that ultimate Success was to be achieved, not in this world, but in another. In a sense, I wasn't in control, so I simply piggy-backed on the ideas of Success that my parents and community held.

In my twenties, my ideas of Success evolved into something about the strength of my intellect, my ability to think through problems and solution them, to pass out of university with strong grades, to secure an internship, get a job in an industry that excited me, to prove to myself that I could be somebody. Success also meant getting myself a romantic partner because that's just what "successful men did" after all, but more transparently, that's what I needed to solve my insecurities and loneliness. Along the way, my new experiences eroded away a few of the ideas that I held from my childhood - obedience, religiousness and peer acceptance - those were now replaced by more rational ideas from the present in an effort to "fix myself".

As I go through my thirties, however, I find that my perspectives on life have, once again, started to shift signficantly because I feel that I now have a better vantage point of where I am coming from and where I want to go in life. I had achieved all the things that should have contributed to my "Success" as I had defined it in my teens and twenties, but somehow, I failed to feel "Successful".  I find that Success is no longer about proving my intellect, self-worth, gaining respect or increasing my wealth. It is no longer about the social circles that I'm a part of nor is it about maximizing the amount of pleasure I can experience. Instead, I find it shifting more towards experiencing and giving love, creating the sense of home that I had lost along my young adulthood, experience the magnificent beauty of the earth and its people by travelling the world, building few but deep relationships and exploring my creativity.

Now, this is my personal journey, but I am sure everyone goes through similar transformations, albeit subjective to their own circumstances. What's interesting though, is that our ideas of Success in life seem to evolve with the perspectives that we gather. The more variety and depth of perspectives we have in life, the more we are able to course correct our beliefs and establish what our true values are. However, just like a ship out at sea, course correction is simply a means to move towards a direction of value, not the end goal. A ship that cannot establish a direction and course corrects forever is bound to be lost at sea. Comparably, mindlessly trying to seek out new experiences and perspectives through the entirety of life is likely to lead to confusion and a feeling of being lost in life. Rather, a better approach may be to seek out a wide variety of perspectives in our youth in an effort to understand our true nature, establish where our values really lie and then seek out select experiences that provide depth and further exploration of those values. Course correct, then fine tune.

Reflecting on my journey through adulthood also brings me to another realization. Our definitions of Success are a function of time. How I see success today is drastically different from how I saw it when I was a child and when I was a young adult. I'm sure as I learn from life, I will continue to fine tune my ideas about Success so that when I'm in my old age, they will, yet again, be very different from what I hold now.  Perhaps, Success is not something that can or should exist in some future state. It's not what's in the horizon, but it's the horizon itself. Our ideas of Success are what guide us towards the things we value in life. Maybe it's our ability to move towards those values that make us successful, not what we will "find" when we get there.

So, going back to the original question then - which of Life's multitude of experiences would I try to optimize to consider myself Successful?

I think I should be optimizing for those experiences that align with my values as they stand today and building depth in my perspectives of those values. I think I should be open to course-correct what those values are if I ever feel lost again.  As long as I'm moving towards my true values and not stagnating, I might find that Success is not as elusive as I thought it was.